Bill Maher gave this presentation during open mic night at the TEDxRVA in February of 2016. It won the competition out of 25 presentations to be invited back to talk during the TEDxRVA event in April, 2016. Watch Bill’s talk about the problem of Opiate addiction in our country.
Your loved one is in treatment for alcoholism or addiction – now what?
By Mary Gray Johnson
Maybe this makes me a bad person, but during the first month that my brother was in treatment I didn’t miss him. In fact, I was glad he was there. I could take a sigh of relief knowing that he was alive and safe – one I’d been holding in for the last five years.
After catching my breath, the reality of his absence set in. I began to miss him, and I started thinking about his return home. This would be great! My brother was sober and healthy! Everything would go back to normal!
Do you see where I’m going with this? When someone gets out of treatment, things can’t just go back to “normal.” And that’s a scary realization for most people – like my Dad, who had literally maintained the same daily routine for the past 25 years.
We realized that if my family kept living our lives like normal, we would be making it significantly harder for Fitzhugh to stay sober.
You see, we had become professionals at helping Fitzhugh’s disease thrive. Our lives revolved around it. Mom kept him from flunking out of school, Dad paid his bills, and I covered for him whenever trouble arose. We kept him from suffering any of the consequences of his alcohol and drug abuse.
I’ll go ahead and sound like a broken record – addiction is a family disease. Everyone in the family is affected, not just the addict.
Before Fitzhugh came home we had to take a hard look at ourselves – our habits, our family dynamics, and the trauma that we had been through. We had to change. With the guidance and support of Bill Maher and the support we found in Al-Anon, we found a new normal.
It wasn’t easy, or fun necessarily. But we decided that if keeping old habits meant hurting Fitzhugh’s recovery, that wasn’t going to work for us. To our pleasant surprise, the new normal has been hugely rewarding.
Mom found a new troublemaker to keep tabs on in our new lab puppy – allowing some breathing room for both she and my brother. Dad started meditating and going to Al-Anon regularly, making him a bit more flexible in his daily routine. And I’ve reaped the huge reward of helping many friends whose family members have gone through the same thing as mine.
Through these changes to better ourselves, we’ve created a stronger support network for one another. And we’re doing all that we can to support my brother in his health and recovery.
If your loved one recently went to treatment, call Bill so that you can learn to support them in recovery, rather than making sobriety harder. Bill can be reached at bill@interventionctr.com or call (804) 677-7728.
Finding the Best Treatment Center
Selecting an appropriate facility for an addict and their family is an art form. One size does NOT fit all. In my experience, placing alcoholics and addicts in a treatment center with people of similar characteristics has big advantages. Over the years many treatment centers will find a niche group of people that they are good at and focus on that population. Would an alcoholic, senior executive relate well to a 19-year-old crack addict? Would a wealthy, isolated family matriarch fit in a program designed for youth? It is critical to match these wounded humans with the correct support and treatment. We’ve seen significant success from having physicians treated with other physicians. The same concept works for other populations. What about someone with a high security clearance? We now have substance abuse treatment facilities that specialize in licensed health professionals, military personnel, gay & lesbian populations, etc. These specially designed programs are highly effective in treating these various populations. I work with well over 200 inpatient treatment facilities, countless outpatient programs, and numerous clinicians all over the country to find the sweet spot for a family member, colleague or friend. It’s worth the investment to hire a professional “treatment specialist,” to assist families with finding the right addiction treatment program for their loved one.