Bill Maher, Interventionist

Family Intervention Center of Virginia

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Growth After Trauma

Positive Growth After Living With Addiction

Recovery is Post Traumatic Growth! Post-traumatic growth (PTG) is a theory that explains transformation following trauma. Substance Use Disorders (SUD) either exacerbate existing trauma, or cause significant new trauma. Psychologists Richard Tedeschi, PhD, and Lawrence Calhoun, PhD, in the mid-1990s, theorized that people who endure psychological struggle following adversity can often see positive growth afterward. I have witnessed miraculous growth by families recovering from a substance use disorder as they take this on with the use of specific tools. And, there are many rewards.

Out of post-traumatic growth I have seen family members develop a new understanding of themselves, how to relate to other people, the kind of future they might have and a better understanding of how to live life. They accomplish a deep level of intimacy within the family relationships. The video is a great example of what type of success families can experience.
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Dispelling Common Myths About Grief

If you’ve lost a loved one to this horrific medical disease of Substance Use Disorders.

Given the amount of overdoses we’re grappling with these days, and a personal loss I recently experienced, I thought I’d share this article on Grief and Mourning.  It was helpful to me, and hopefully, for you also.
If you’re reading this and you’ve lost a loved one—my heart hurts for you.

At around 6 months into the grieving process sometimes people feel pressure, from themselves or others, to, “get over it,” and, “move on,” with their lives. To the rest of the world, half a year may seem like plenty of time to heal. But, when you’ve lost someone you love it may seem like no time at all. Take all the time you need to grieve.

Every person’s process is a unique and personal experience. There is “no right way” to grieve and you’re entitled to your own feelings, even when they’re different from the feelings of others. I hope you’ll find this article helpful.

—Hearts ease, Bill Maher

grief and mourningDispelling Common Myths About Grief

Based on the work of Alan D. Wolfelt, Ph.D.

Our society continues to perpetuate a number of myths about grief and mourning.  These myths may seem harmless, but they can quickly become hurdles to healing.  Well-meaning helpers often state these myths because they seem to be, “common sense.” This article describes five of the most common myths about grief in order to help you overcome these myths and better understand how to help yourself, or, others to heal.

Myth #1. Grief and mourning are the same experience

Most people tend to use the words grief and mourning interchangeably. However, there is an important distinction between them. [Read more…] about Dispelling Common Myths About Grief

Parents— Don’t Try This at Home

teenage alcoholismIt’s mind-boggling to me that families often try to treat the medical disease of addiction at home. If your teenager broke his arm, would you set the bone at the kitchen table? If he had an asthma attack, would you lecture him about getting his act together?

Of course not.

Still, families grapple with addiction at home for two reasons: First, addiction can look an awful lot like bad behavior, especially at the outset.  And second, parents feel embarrassed that addiction has found it’s way into their family, so they try solving the problem behind closed doors. There is a lot of shame related to this disease— parents feel as if they have failed.

In my 30 years as an interventionist, I’ve come to understand that addiction is one of the most complicated medical diseases to date. Few addicts recover on their own. And when they do, the hidden components of the disease have often gone untreated. An incomplete treatment leaves the entire family vulnerable to relapse. It can fracture families, which is counterproductive to your loved one finding and remaining in recovery.

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Finding Help for Addiction

Someone you love is showing signs of addiction. You’ve devoured books with titles like “Walking on Eggshells”. You’ve nudged, you’ve argued, and you’ve threatened. You’ve seen counselors and sought the advice of trusted friends. Still, the crazy-making behavior is accelerating like a runaway train and, by now, you’re feeling desperate.
Where do you turn?

Your next step is to seek the guidance of a certified addiction professional, ideally someone with experience in substance abuse intervention. But how do you find a reputable one? Who can you trust? As an addiction interventionist for 30 years, here’s my best advice:

Step One: Call a respected treatment center and ask them to refer you to an independent addiction professional in your area. Ask who they’d recommend for interventions. Who are their best referring case managers, addiction specialists, or interventionists in your city? Three programs I’d suggest calling include Milestones at Onsite in Tennessee, Cirque Lodge in Utah, or Saint Christopher’s in Louisiana. Jot down the names they offer, then call a second treatment center and ask the same questions. After a few phone calls, you’ll start hearing the same names. (In the Richmond, Virginia area, in addition to my intervention services, I recommend Gail Santarelli, LPC at Richmond IOP or Maryann Cox, LCSW. In Charlottesville, VA. I’d suggest Dr. Kevin Doyle).

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Can we talk about alcoholism and Anthony Bourdain?

Anthony Bourdain and AlcoholismI didn’t know Anthony Bourdain, but felt like I did in one small important way. In him, I saw a drinking alcoholic with a front-stage vigorous attempt to do it successfully. His was a fantastic life-embracing show, with drinking taking a prominent role in the joie de vivre, and sometimes that made it hard for me to watch.

When he threw back shots, indeed got wasted, I saw a fellow alcoholic living dangerously whereas most viewers, I imagine, saw “a man who knew how to drink, knew how to live.” His state of mind will be called depression, and who can argue with that in the wake of his suicide. But can we please, people, start connecting the dots to alcoholism (also a disease of the mind), at least when it is screamingly evident?
Perhaps I should not presume to think I know, but I can at least invite the conversation where it is uncomfortably and amazingly absent. Did alcoholism (which brings depression or ineffectively “treats” depression) ultimately take down Bourdain?

Alcohol is a drug. “Drugs” and “alcohol” remain separate in conversations about addiction, like a “bad sister” doing outrageous unthinkable things while the “good sister” quietly nurses a prom hangover and shame from a blackout.

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Your loved one is in treatment for alcoholism or addiction – now what?

family intervention
Mary Gray with her brother, Fitzhugh

By Mary Gray Johnson

Maybe this makes me a bad person, but during the first month that my brother was in treatment I didn’t miss him. In fact, I was glad he was there. I could take a sigh of relief knowing that he was alive and safe – one I’d been holding in for the last five years.

After catching my breath, the reality of his absence set in. I began to miss him, and I started thinking about his return home. This would be great! My brother was sober and healthy! Everything would go back to normal!

Do you see where I’m going with this? When someone gets out of treatment, things can’t just go back to “normal.” And that’s a scary realization for most people – like my Dad, who had literally maintained the same daily routine for the past 25 years.

We realized that if my family kept living our lives like normal, we would be making it significantly harder for Fitzhugh to stay sober.

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